Be proud of yourself in 2012

A not-so-quiet mid-life movement has been picking up massive steam on the Internet … and I’m proud to be a part of it with Age with Attitude. It’s all about how we talk about, view and react to aging.  A revolution is starting and I want more mid-life women to be part of it in 2012.

We are continuously bombarded with messages at every turn urging us to join the war against aging (at a cost). We listen to the “anti-aging sirens” sing sweet words of encouragement (and promises) in our ears whenever we turn on the television, see a movie, or read a magazine (even those allegedly aimed at “older women”). “Youth is beauty,” the sirens sing. “You don’t really want to age… do you? Who will hire you? Who will love you? Who will desire you? Come with us, and be young, young, young… forever.”

Plastic surgery is on the rise (for men as well as women) even in the face of massive unemployment and high debt loads among the “over 50″ market. Many women are reaching their 60s with so much debt they can’t afford to retire,” and yet we, as a group, are willing to shell out mega bucks on chemical peels, Botox, and so on in an effort to erase our lines, recapture our youth, and compete head to head with the young for jobs, love, sex and attention.

When my grandmother entered her 50s it was a level playing field. The only ones who got their faces lifted (in strict secrecy) were major Hollywood stars. Everyone else just hoped for the best and went down the aging path together. In today’s world, however, the level playing field is a distant memory. Those who can, often do. Those who can’t… well… time to become invisible, perhaps?  There’s a dearth of celebrity role models who choose to age with grace, vitality and dignity… in public. Helen Mirren jumps to mind, especially since in “real life” her hair is a natural, beautiful gray, and just recently she was voted as having the “Body of the Year.”

So isn’t it time to change how we view aging and how we feel about ourselves? Moving into mid-life can be extremely liberating for those of us who choose to feel good about our ‘natural’ selves.  It’s clear that many people, often mid-life women themselves, believe once we reach mid-life we are doomed, especially in the job market. But the good news is these same people are starting to get angry, and take action. I see more and more women every day talking on Facebook, websites, Twitter, and other social media in an effort to shift the discourse and create a societal sea change.

In an effort to move the paradigm shift along, I’ve developed eight ‘Attitudes’ to live by. I hope these simple words inspire you to embrace your age and live your life to the fullest:

• I live my life on purpose
• I create what I want
• I know who I am
• I am true to myself
• I am good enough
• I like myself
• I take time for me
• I’m certain of my success

And lastly: ?Love your life, eat healthily, take some exercise, laugh, be informed, stay engaged, use your mind, manage your finances, have courage, be brave, walk with confidence, live with style . . . and then . . . you will know how truly wonderful mid-life can be.

Create the Life You Want in 2012

It doesn’t interest me how you have lived your life until this moment. I want to know what your dreams are, what you ache for in the future. The only moment is now. The past has gone already and the future is not yet here so why do we consume our energies disappointed in our memories or anxious about the future? Change can happen in an instant, in the flash of an eye or click of a finger, once we have made a decision to go for it.

Before you read any further, I have a question for you……. Are you prepared to step up to what you really want in life? To begin to be the person you deserve to be? If you are then please read on and if not, then have a great life in the grey zone wondering what might have been.

This is about how Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) can help you to ‘Create the Life you Want in 2012’. It is not a quick fix to transform your life overnight. The techniques that follow require your flexibility, curiousity, FOCUS and above all for you to do whatever it takes to achieve what you want. NLP started with a question asked by its creators, Richard Bandler and John Grindler, who wanted to know what makes the difference between top performers who consistently achieve their results and those who never quite make it. They discovered by working alongside models of excellence what it takes to succeed and they developed these true nuggets of genius into what we now know as NLP. NLP is results focused and uses the language of the mind to consistently achieve high results.

Here are some key principles about how to Create the Life You Want in 2012……

Principle No. 1- Get Clear on Your Goal
Think about something important that you want to achieve over the next twelve months. What really motivates you? Now check that goal is specific, measurable and timed. For example, I want to lose weight is not clear enough. I want to lose 10 pounds by the end of the year is clear. Focus on your goal. Whatever you put your attention on in your life will grow stronger.

Principle No. 2 – Know Why it is a Must
What are your reasons for wanting to achieve your goal? Ask yourself ‘If I don’t do this now what will it ultimately cost me?’

Principle No. 3 – Take Massive Action
Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal including things you do not want to do? Think right now of one small step and one large step you can take today to begin to move towards your goal. Challenge yourself by asking if you are taking personal and 100% responsibility for your goal. Because, to the extent that you do not, you are giving your personal power away.

Principle No. 4 – Know What you are Getting
Be very aware of what works and what doesn’t. Ask for feedback, and constantly evaluate your approach. Think of feedback as a gift and remember to learn from any action that doesn’t go quite to plan.

Principle No. 5 – Be Prepared to Change Your Approach
There is a saying ‘if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got! You must be prepared to be flexible move into the unknown. Security is an attachment to the known and the known is our past. No evolution in that. When you experience uncertainty you are on the right track – if you become too fixated on how to achieve your goal you shut out a whole range of possibilities.

Principle No. 6 – Ask for Help from Those who are Already Successful
When making major life changes, the most successful people in life model those who have already ‘done it’. They do this by going on courses, being coached or simply asking for advice. You will probably find that with the appropriate support you will find the process of change more enjoyable and your chances of success will be greatly increased.

So what if you were to adopt these principles in your life? Imagine what it would feel like to move outside of the Grey Zone in your life starting today. Good luck for 2012.

Moving out of The Grey Zone

Moving out of The Grey Zone
Moving into mid-life is more than just an age, it’s a new movement.
On my Age with Attitude programme I discuss how moving out of The Grey Zone or your comfort zone is a big part of mid-life. Change is happening all around us — wanted and unwanted — on all fronts, and we aren’t always ready. I suggest that one of the ways we can prepare ourselves is to acknowledge that change will happen, and instead of retreating, be fearless about facing it. Here are my thoughts…..
There’s something incredibly liberating about reaching mid-life. You no longer feel as though you have to please everyone, or continue to do things you don’t want to do, just because you always did. In the smallest sense, you might not want to be on the school governor’s board anymore because it’s not enjoyable and too time-consuming. Or, you may want to change careers or quit work completely to pursue other interests. Doing something new, especially if it’s potentially life-changing, like leaving a relationship or starting a new one, can be daunting because you’re moving out of your status quo. But, post-mid-life is all about change, and movement, and moving out of The Grey Zone is a huge part of the experience. It’s time to be fearless, confident, and bold, no matter what you’re moving from… or to.
Many of my clients tell me that this is what was staring back at them when they looked into the mirror before coming onto Age with Attitude:
A woman who:
• was starting to feel invisible and ignored
• hadn’t exercised regularly in many years
• had very little energy
• assumed that the 15 pounds she packed on after going through menopause was normal and would never come off
• believed that she was no longer pretty
• focused on her wrinkles
• was feeling insecure about her place in the world
• was feeling vunerable around younger women
• had little cash to enjoy her life
Need I go on?
Then they decided to challenge the myth that this is what being middle aged is all about, and they’d better just accept it. Seeing that drastic action was required, they took action to get the best information from the best experts so that they could stare at that person in the mirror with a renewed sense of pride and confidence.
In other words, they decided to propel themselves out of The Grey Zone, and do something different. They realised that the only person stopping them was THEMSELVES. And they were the only ones who could change that. No one else.
So embrace your age, whatever it is. Love your life, get as healthy as you can, move your body every day, be informed, stay engaged, connect with others, use your mind, live with style, be bold, be brave and walk with confidence. The greatest gift you can give yourself is this: acknowledge change and your fears. But don’t give in to them. Be fearless. If not now… when?

Visit www.agewithattitudeclub.co.uk to sign up for our free 10 day e-learning personal development course for mid-life women.

olive oil for mid-life women

I was interested to read an article recently by Barbara Hufferman about the value of olive oil for mid-life women. It helps in many ways when everything is getting a little dryer…for example skin, eyes and other places, too! Olive oil has been used for thousands of years in Mediterranean cultures. Ancient Greeks knew of its power to heal wounds, and eventually they used it to light oil lamps, for cooking, and for beauty.
Here are some of the reasons why olive oil is the “liquid gold” we should all have in our kitchens, bathrooms and medicine chests:
On the body: Get held hold of a plastic squeeze bottle and fill with the finest extra-virgin olive oil you can find. Add a few drops of lavender oil for fragrance, and keep in your bathroom. Here’s what you can do with it:
• Dry Skin: In the shower, take a little olive oil (infused with a few drops of lavender, if you wish) and gently massage it all over your body. Result? Skin like velvet. If your facial skin is feeling especially dry, take one drop of olive oil in your hands, and very gently tap it all over your face, making sure it doesn’t look slick. Take a tissue and blot your skin just a little. You’ll have skin that’s soft and moist, but not greasy.
• Extra-dry elbows and feet: Then, massage a little extra virgin olive oil on your elbows and feet (especially the heels) every night. You will see an unbelievable transformation.
• Sun Burn, Rash, Wound or Insect Bites: Gently apply a light layer of olive oil and leave uncovered. It helps with the itching and speeds up the healing. It’s great for nappy rash, too.
• Makeup Remover: This is the best and most gentle way to remove makeup from your face, even your eyes. Olive oil can remove the toughest waterproof mascara without harsh chemicals or soap that can irritate eyes. Allergic reactions to olive oil are practically non-existent.
• Cuticles: Soak your nails in a little tray of olive oil. This will soften cuticles, making them easier to push during a manicure. Avoid cutting cuticles as that could cause infection or irritation.
• Shaving: Whether shaving facial hair or your legs, putting a light layer of olive oil on damp skin first is a better option that shaving cream.
• Dry hair: Olive oil is the most effective hair conditioner, especially for hair that’s been over-processed by coloring and blowdrying. Massage some into hair, and wrap a hot towel around it. Leave on for an hour or so, and wash as usual. When your hair is completely dry, add a few drops in your hands, rub them together, flip your head over, bending down and scrunch a little olive oil in your hair. Result? Shiny (not greasy, unless you accidentally put on too much!) and healthy looking hair.
• Dandruff: Massage a light layer of olive oil onto your scalp and leave it there for a few hours before washing. If you know a baby with cradle cap, a very common skin condition on the scalp, apply a layer of olive oil every day until it disappears.
In the Body: Keep an excellent bottle of extra-virgin olive oil in your kitchen for good health, as well as for cooking. Here’s why:
• Weight Loss: Many people, especially from the Mediterranean, drink 2 fl ounces or 60ml of extra virgin olive oil every morning, followed by a small glass of warm water mixed with fresh lemon juice. This helps to cleanse the body, and jump-start the system. Women I met in Israel swear that drinking the olive oil each morning keeps hunger pangs away and has helped with weight loss and maintenance.
• Heart Disease and Stroke Prevention: Heart disease is the number one killer of women. Stroke is the third. The FDA reports that by ingesting olive oil each day, you may reduce your risk of coronary heart disease, which can cause heart attacks and strokes. Olive oil contains up to 80 percent monounsaturated fatty acids, which helps to increase HDL, known as the “good” cholesterol, and decrease LDL, the “bad” cholesterol. Extra virgin olive oil, the least processed form of olive oil, has additional antioxidant properties that have a protective effect against heart disease.
• Gallstone Reduction: The consumption of olive oil stimulates the production of bile and pancreatic secretions that drastically reduce the formation of gallstones. An experiment revealed the actual weight of a gallstone was reduced by 68 percent after two days of being soaked in pure olive oil.
• Colon Cancer Prevention: An article in the International Journal of Cancer stated that the consumption of olive oil may protect against certain forms of cancer, especially colon cancer. Olive oil contains oleic acid and other phenols that have antioxidant benefits in the body. Antioxidants rid the body of free radicals that cause cell damage and may even lead to some forms of cancer. The study showed that the phenols extracted from extra virgin olive oil inhibited colon cancer at different stages. Of course, consuming olive oil is not a substitute for getting regular colonoscopies.
• Breast Cancer Prevention: The Mayo Clinic reports that the second most common killer of women is cancer, with lung cancer ranking first and breast and colorectal cancer close behind. According to the National Cancer Institute, more than 12 percent of women will at some point be diagnosed with breast cancer. Cornell University studies showed that olive oil consumption was linked to a substantial decrease in breast cancer risk. The oleic acid and antioxidants in olive oil can help combat other cancers, as well.
• Alzheimer’s Disease: A research study by Northwestern University in conjunction with the Monell Chemical Senses Center shows that the natural compound in olive oil — oleocanthal — may help treat and prevent Alzheimer’s disease. Oleocanthal actually alters the structure of neurotoxic proteins believed to contribute to the debilitating effects of Alzheimer’s.
• Diabetes: Diabetes is a growing health issue in this country, especially due to the ongoing obesity issue. Many people aren’t even aware they have diabetes. Diabetes can be complicated by menopause and bring about a host of other health problems such as eye, skin and foot complications. The American Diabetes Association recommends olive oil as a healthy, monounsaturated fat to manage diabetes and the European Food Information Council reports that olive oil can reduce blood glucose levels.
What olive oil should you buy? Definitely extra-virgin olive oil, although it isn’t always easy to know if you’re getting extra virgin, even if it says so on the label. (Note: olive oils that list “olive oil,” “pure” or “light” do not contain oleocanthal. It, like other phenolics, is removed during the refining process. It must say “extra virgin olive oil” on the label.) Only extra virgin olive oil contains the all-important oleocanthal.
So how can you tell which of the extra virgin olive oils have lots of oleocanthal? The gold standard test is taste and your physical reaction to it. Many health experts believe that extra virgin olive oil that contains oleocanthal, a distinguishing chemical characteristic of fresh-pressed olive oil, will be extra peppery and will make you want to cough. A recent article compared the reaction one has to ingesting extra virgin olive oil with oleocanthal to swallowing ibuprofen. This unique sensation and the accompanying ‘cough’ are regarded among connoisseurs as indicators of high quality olive oil. If the one you are using is peppery then almost certainly you are getting a liberal dose of oleocanthal in your everyday diet.
Let me know how you get on.

The Worst Fear of Mid-Life Women and What to do About it

18th August 2011

The Worst Fear of Mid-Life Women and What to do About it

It’s official. The worst fear of mid-life women is not wrinkles and fat around the middle, it’s having enough money to live a decent life after 50. Older women are more than twice as likely to live in poverty as older men. So what can we do about it? I’ve noticed on my AWA programme that many of my delegates bury their heads in the sand when it comes to money so here’s some simple and practical tips I’ve developed to help get your finances onto a strong footing both now and for the future. Read more about these tips in my book ‘Still 25 Inside’.

Tip 1: Setting financial goals is the key to financial success. Write down your financial goals on paper. Make sure they are SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timed).

Tip 2: Spending less than you earn is the secret to accumulating wealth. This is a simple fact that many of us pretend not to know. If you want to accumulate wealth, live below your means and invest what’s left over.

Tip 3: Money demands attention. Money gets frittered away when it’s not managed. Reconciling everything you’ve spent each month against your bank accounts ensures that you know what your cash flow is at all times and you guard against any fraudulent payments.

Tip 4: Deal with debt. Negotiate with your creditors to pay back what you can. Focus on paying off your debts as fast as possible. Paying interest haemorrhages your chances of accumulating wealth. Set up monthly direct debit payments to avoid late payment charges.

Tip 5: Do not use credit to live on. Using credit to pay for day-to-day expenses like food shopping is one of the least smart things you can do, as it costs so much to repay.

Tip 6: Tidy lives equal tidy finances. Those with cluttered lives often have cluttered finances, too. Take the time to have a grand clear-out on all levels – your wardrobe, the house and your office.

Tip 7: If you don’t save when the opportunity is there, you will drown when it isn’t! Sooner or later you will need a cash cushion. Without it, your lifeline will be high-interest debt that will linger long after your problem has gone.

Tip 8: Choosing a fiscally irresponsible partner is hazardous to your financial health. Opposites tend to attract. Fiscally conservative women tend to be attracted to fiscally liberal guys and visa versa. If you’re about to pair up with a big spender, don’t sign up for any of his debt.

Tip 9: Train yourself to be financially independent. If you plan on Prince Charming you may be in trouble, as all marriages end eventually in divorce or death and it’s usually the women who are left behind. Be aware of your finances even if your partner is handling the bulk of it. Check on the pension planning, too.

Tip 10: Opt for long-term financial planning over crisis management. Women do not tend to get serious about money until they lose a job, a spouse or are near to retirement.

Tip 11: Start investing. Both men and women procrastinate when it comes to investing. The solution is to at least take small steps to move forward. Do some research; work with small amounts and get started.

Tip 12: It’s never too late. The mistake is thinking it is too late. But that’s just an excuse. It’s never too late. Get your finances sorted out now!

Remember personal development expands your mind and your earning potential. Education is your ticket to more opportunities. Now what’s the next step?

Emotions play a big part in dieting

Emotions that come in all shapes and forms can leave a huge impact on your dieting focus and goals. Today I thought I would write about how they play a big part in our lives and how you can keep them under control.

Personal Myths

Your personal myths are your beliefs about your current weight. We are interested here in the negative ones that are likely to have led you to becoming overweight and then kept you stuck. Listing your own personal myths will help you to be in control and identify what is subconsciously and unnecessarily holding you back from your goals. I have listed a few below:

• I can’t lose weight, no matter what I do.
• It’s too expensive to eat healthily

The next step is to review what beliefs a.k.a. food viruses you wrote down and notice how they appear to be simply excuses that are holding you back. Just imagine for a moment if none of these statements were true for you. What difference would that make to your goal?

Letting go of negative experiences

If you don’t delve deep into your emotions you won’t be able to find out exactly what triggered your food myths. I have worked with many people aiming to lose weight and some of the situations that have held them back include;

• They were teased/bullied at school
• They were told they were not good enough by their parents/teachers
• They suffered emotional or physical abuse

These are just some examples of situations that may be affecting your ability to lose weight. You can find the connection by looking at your myths and relating that to an eating style questionnaire as shown in my latest book ‘Lose Weight with NLP’. Then ask yourself a few questions and make a note of the key things you learned from your answers;

What negative experiences in your past may have led to your weight issues today?
What negative beliefs about yourself have those experiences generated in you?
How have those beliefs acted as a trigger for your weight issues today?

Believe it or not, you can actually change your past, whatever happened, good or bad. The first step involves being aware of your negative experiences and how they’re holding you back.

There are more helpful exercises in my latest book ‘Lose Weight with NLP’ which is available from Amazon and all good bookstores.

Hello to over-50 glamour!

A new era is starting to be unleashed in over-50 glamour as a new report has shown that almost three quarters of women over 50 are still happily wearing high heels. With more and more middle age women looking up to fabulous celebs like; Kim Cattrall, Helen Mirren, and Jane Fonda, more are enjoying reaching mid-life.

‘The boundaries of ageing have changed beyond all recognition’, said Emma Soames from Saga Magazine, which commissioned the survey.

‘The sensible flat shoe is no longer the footwear of choice by older women who still like to dress fashionably and smartly until well into their seventies.’

She said older women were very keen to maintain a well-groomed image.

‘Older role models reflect the style that older women like to project. High heels are just part of the package,’ she said.

Older women, however, are careful to avoid the very highest stilettos, according to the Saga survey of 4,400 women. The most popular type, worn by 73 per cent of those polled, is the comfortable court shoe, followed by kitten heels worn by 30 per cent. Just ten per cent of older women brave stilettos and a mere two per cent dare to wear those 5in- plus super-high heels. But like any high-heel wearers, older women should give their feet the occasional rest and slip into some ballet pumps or flat boots.

Will 2011 be the year of the midlife woman? Will more women be encouraged to age with attitude? Will this new wave of later-life glamour become a new way of ageing?

What ever the outcome, it is all positive in my eyes. It is great to see solid facts showing the increase of midlife confidence, and displaying older women looking just as or often even more beautiful and happy as they were when they were younger.

If you are interested in finding your new liberated self or you have some changes you want to make in any area of your life please do check out my Age with Attitude courses on my website. www.agewithattitude.co.uk. The next one starts on the 2nd April.

New Weight-loss pill to help people lose weight…but changing your mindset can help you lose weight and prevent accompanying health issues!

A new weight-loss pill claims that it can help those 7 out of 10 women committing to a New Year diet, by losing approx 2ibs per week without changing their eating habits. Whilst weight loss is good, I am concerned about the health hazards which come along with eating the wrong foods.

Losing weight is difficult for many of us women to conquer, but where are we going wrong? Yes, we may be changing our diets, or taking substitute pills/shakes/meals the list goes on! But unless we actually change our mindsets we will continue to fail every time.

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) has been helping people to change their mindsets in the workplace, during hard times in their lives, to think more positive and much more for years now, and it can also help you to stay on top of your health.

I have just released my latest book Lose Weight with NLP that helps women to lose weight and keep it off, not by exhausting gym routines, potentially unsafe pills, or crash diets, but by just changing your mindset.

To give you an idea of how it works…We all have something in our brains called the Reticular Activity System otherwise known as RAS. Our RAS plays a vital part in making and sticking to goals. Of course, if you keep thinking that you can’t achieve your goal, your unconscious mind will start to believe that too and encourage you not to achieve it. And, if you find you are focusing on other things in your life that you don’t want, guess what, your RAS will do an excellent job of delivering those to you, too. For example, if all you focus on is going on being overweight, don’t be surprised if you find your weight increasing – not the other way round. The reason is that if you’re looking in the mirror and feeling terrible about you own reflection, that’s the signal you’re putting in to the universe. Your RAS is very obedient and tends to give you exactly what you focus on, whether you want it or not. In addition to all this is another very important fact. Our brains cannot process a negative. It deletes the negation encouraging us to do the one thing we shouldn’t be doing!

So when you make your next diet plans and commitments make sure you think about it first!

Lose Weight with NLP is available from Amazon.

Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions 2011

Who hasn’t woken up on New Year’s Day (or in a drunken stupor on New Years Eve) with the massive sense of starting the New Year off right and accomplish a life-long wanted task, need, or want? Unless you’re under the age of 13, you’ve probably committed yourself to such a New Year’s Resolution and broken it within the first week. It all comes down to how much self-discipline you have and how great the desire.

Can you do it this year? First of all, remember that it’s never too late to change . In those moments when you make a decision, you start to create a new future for yourself. The all important thing is to take action and do something different!

Now let’s get down to detail.

· Most New year’s resolutions are only ‘wish-lists’, there is no substance or plan behind them. That’s why they don’t last. They are often also far too wishy-washy. Vague resolutions are only good for one thing – to let you off the hook! Remember it’s the difference between saying ‘I want to start running’ to saying ‘I want to be able to run 10 miles each week’.

· Resolutions can be achieved if you take them seriously and create a clear plan to reach them. The word ‘plan’ can sound scary. It really just means what actions do you need to take to achieve your resolution? Actions can be small steps so long as you keep moving forwards towards your goal. Don’t set yourself up to fail by setting yourself unrealistic targets. For example, don’t say you’ll go to the gym every day unless you can achieve it!

· Make sure you set a timescale for your resolution as it’s easy to allow yourself off the hook. It’s the difference between saying ‘I want to lose weight’ and ‘I want to lose 7 pounds by the end of March 2011’. Get the idea?

· Keep going until your reach your target. It’s easy to give up too soon. If your resolution is important enough to you, you will keep your motivation levels. Persistence is important. If you’re not motivated enough it’s probably because you don’t want it enough! Ask yourself what will happen if you don’t achieve your resolution – if you’re not that bothered find something else!

· Be flexible – if you always do what you’ve always done you always get what you’ve always got. If something isn’t working do something different. For example, if you want to lose weight and your approach isn’t working then change it.

· Be prepared to take massive action to achieve your goal. Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve your resolution? If not, then it’s not the right one. Massive action doesn’t have to be all at once but you do need to keep focused and keep going.

· Finally, take responsibility for what you want in your life. No more excuses and blaming everyone except yourself. When things go wrong learn from them. Focus on what you in your life, not on what you don’t want. Our brains can’t process negatives so if your New Year’s resolution is ‘I don’t want to be in debt’ your brain understands ‘I want to be in debt’ and so no wonder when you find it tough to make any money! Instead, focus on what specifically you want and enjoy the difference.

Remember ‘the only way to predict your future is to create it’.

Tis the Season to be Divorcing?

With the festive season being the time of the year where divorce rates are highest, I thought I would share with you my tips on how to get over, get on top, and get your attitude back after being newly single!

My story…

I broke up with my husband of 13 years in 2001, after I realising that we no longer had the same outlook on life, I needed a change and this is where I grew the courage to go off and do my own thing, I started writing, started my own business, and I have never been happier.

How to move on

• Accept the relationship is over and don’t rely on your ex for emotional support – seek it elsewhere.
• Find things you want to do in your free time – maybe a new pastime or an old sport you haven’t done in years.
• Tell friends so they don’t feel awkward or obliged to take sides.
• Talk to your ex about how you will arrange events involving your kids.
• Find things you want to do such as holidays or eating out and ask friends or family to come -that way you won’t feel so consciously not a couple.
• Have something to look forward to.
• Do something you’d never have been able to do with your partner – like watch a chick-flick at the cinema.
• Keep busy so you don’t have an empty diary.
• Track down old friends.
• Book a singles holiday somewhere you’ve always wanted to go to.
• Reassess who’s really important to you, and make time for them.
• Make lots of “me” time – maybe have a new hair style, lose weight or update your wardrobe.
• Keep telling yourself it is a new start and enjoy putting yourself first!